Forbidden to Remember, Terrified to Forget
by Raelynne
Summary: AU: Edward is a human who lost his parents to a fire. Bella is a Vampire living in Forks with her adopted family. They come together and the drama ensues. Immortal children, Volturi, family issues, forbidden love.
1. Intro

**So here is the first chapter if the new and hopefully improved story. I have been wanted to fix this for a long time now and have finally found the motivation. This version will all be in Bella's point of view. So read and enjoy and give me and review. Please :)**

**~Raelynne**

_All Italics are thoughts. Just in case its not clear._

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So here we are again. All packed up in our respective cars and trucks. Or at least the ones that we will be taking with us. Emmett in his big black Jeep Wrangler. Rose in her flashy red convertible BMW that she customized herself. Alice and Jasper in their beautiful blue Audi. Carlisle and Esme are in their black BMW Sedan. Me I was riding in my baby. She is a dark green 1967 Chevy Impala. I love this car so much. I call her Kayleigh. She is my forever true companion. Bought her brand new and still she is in pristine shape. We are on our way back to Forks Washington. We lived there before, but that was a long time ago. You see me and my family are vampires. Which is why we never get to stay in one place for very long. Its not because of any death rate or disappearance's that alert the humans to our existence. We don't feed on humans, we feed from animals. Its the one way we can hold onto our humanity. We leave because we do not age. Once people start to notice this we have to pick up and move on. Usually faking our deaths or just disappearing with out a trace. Over the years we have gotten very good at this but it is still disheartening. I really liked this little small town in this small corner of Alaska, but just like all small towns everyone knows everyone and they start to notice much earlier.

I look in my rear view mirror and I see the small inferno that was our little house and I felt a pang of sadness in the pit of my unbeating heart. It is far enough away from all the other houses that it will be able to burn to ash before anyone notices. The bodies that are in there will be so destroyed that no one will be able to identify them. It will just be known that they are us. After all who else could they be. In this town Carlisle worked in the funeral home. They are bodies that were supposed to be cremated, but we held onto them just for this purpose. Emmett was worried that this wouldn't work this time but Alice saw that it would be a success. She has visions of the future. It is her gift, a gift that has helped us many times in the past. It is always nice to know if others like us are going to come into town or if people are going to set fires because they think we are witches. She is a useful little pixie. Other not so nice covens who know about her have wanted her for years. The only hitch in their plan is that she loves us and we love her. I pulled my eyes from the burning memories we made in that house and looked forward to the new life we would have in Forks.

I felt a buzzing in my pocket and pulled out my cell phone and saw the little pixies face lighting up the screen. Alice oh Alice what could you want now. I flipped it open and answered.

"Yes Alice, what is it?" I said.

"You need to stop being all daisy downer on me and perk up. Jasper can feel it from here and it is just emanating off him. I don't like feeling this bummy. This move is going to be great. I just know it."

"Sorry Alice and tell Jazz I'm sorry too. I just really liked it there. I actually had friends and some semblance of a life and now we have to start all over." Normally when we move we don't have people who will morn the loss of us. Here I had a friend. A best friend. She was a lot like me. Loved reading books and watching old movies. She is shy and didn't mind awkward silence or the fact that I was abnormal. She never asked questions and didn't have the mind of your average teenager. I'm going to miss Becky.

See Alice isn't the only one with a gift beyond the norm. Me and Jasper were gifted as well. Jasper can feel and manipulate the emotions of people around him. I think he has it even harder than me. I can hear the thoughts of people around me. Sadly its not something I can turn on and off it is always there in the background. I have learned over the years to focus and it isn't so loud and overwhelming. But still it never goes away. Jasper has learned to block it out as well but it is much harder for him. As vampires we are plagued with a vicious thirst for blood. It is much harder to resist the draw of humans when you feel the thirst of all the other vampires around you. It is also a bit harder when your diet is not normal. We survive off of animal blood which doesn't fulfill our thirst as much as human blood, so that thirst is always there.

"Bella just give this a real chance. Plus look on the bright side you wont be alone here either." I started to ask what she was talking about but all I got was the click of her hanging up on me. Which means she is giving nothing up on this. So I will just have to wait and see what happens like a normal person.

We arrived at the old house earlier than planned since we had to make no stops to hunt. I bought us some good hefty thermoses and made a few adjustments to them so we had some warm blood on the run. I was able to catch our animal of choice. Use an IV to drain the blood right from the animal straight to the thermos. It stays warm and is air proof. So it stayed nice and fresh. I call this a very big success. I wonder why I didn't think of this earlier. Jasper was the most excited by my invention. It will allow him to carry blood with him so that when we were around humans and he finds himself overwhelmed by the thirst he can quench it and gain control. Jasper did not have the same upbringing that the rest of us did so it was harder for him to make the switch.

As soon as we pulled in the driveway I felt it instantly. I was home. Through the thoughts of my family I knew I wasn't the only one feeling this. Jasper and Alice have never been here so it was all new for them. But the rest of felt it. The peaceful comfort of home. It is something our kind can rarely find. We are never able to stay anywhere for more than 10 years so building a home isn't really in the cards for us. But we were able to stay here for nearly 5 years before anyone knew we were here. So when we introduced ourselves to society we had another 10 year span before we had to move on. Now it has been so long since we were here no one will know us. Its a fresh start in a familiar place.

We all got out of our cars and stood in front of the house. Just looking. Carlisle put his arm around me and kissed the top of my head. _Welcome home Love._ I just looked up in his eyes and smiled my thanks. I loved looking into his golden eyes. He was the only father I had ever known. Even in my human life I never had a father. He was it.

"Lets get unpacked and don't worry Bella I have gone through it a million times and it never worked. You get to keep your room and your amazing view." Said Alice sounding slightly bummed. I had seen it in her thoughts for the past 5 months. She had tried changing her mind over and over. Looking into the future to see if there was anyway that I would give up my room to her and Jasper. But that will never happen. Its nice to know she finally gave up.

Within 2 days we had to house renovated to make a room for Alice and Jazz, everything cleaned up, set up, and put away. Now all that's left to do is register for school once again and Carlisle's welcome party at the hospital. None of us were looking forward to this party. We had to act as human as possible. If anyone got to suspicious we would not be able to stay. We would have to eat and converse with everyone. Keep heat packs in our pockets so that when we shook hands with everyone our abnormally cold skin wouldn't be so noticeable. Oh yes and my sarcastically favorite part. We will have to come home and vomit up the food we eat so it doesn't rot in our bellies. The only thing I am looking forward to about this party is that it is going to be a small one. The little town is just excited about having a strapping young gifted doctor willing to work at their little hospital. I know its strange for a vampire to be working at a hospital but Carlisle is the most controlled of our family and loves helping humans. Using his enhanced senses to make them better. Saving those who would have died if he didn't exist.

All in all it could be worse. As much as I will miss Alaska I am happy to be back in Forks. I love it here and am very curious about who I am going to meet. The hint of excitement in Alice's voice has me a little worried but still curious. Only time will tell.

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**Well there it is. I think I got all the typos. Had a little issue with the transfer to the website. So please leave a review. I hope you like it.**

**Thanks, Raelynne**


	2. Thoughtless

**We****ll here it is, chapter 2 for your reading enjoyment.**

**Oh yes and I forgot this last time S. Meyer owns :)**

**~Raelynne**

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"Bella, Rose, Alice are you ready yet?" Yelled Esme from the bottom of the stairs. We were on our way to the little welcome party that the hospital was having for Carlisle. Of course I would have been ready half an hour ago if Alice hadn't freaked when she saw my jeans and sneakers. I mean it wasnt like I was wearing ratty jeans and bo bo's. But Alice wouldn't have it.

"Just a minute Esme." Answered Alice. She spritzed my hair one more time and admired her work. She insisted on dolling us all up even though this was just a little party in a small town hospital. I glanced in the mirror decided that this look was just fine and rushed out of her chair and down the stairs nearly tackling Jasper on the way down.

_Whoa Hells Bells wheres the fire?_ Jasper thought.

"Shes upstairs in your room I thought I should escape before I spontaneously combusted." He just smiled and shook his head.

"Oh my dear sweet sister Bella, relax you know its not that bad and you look beautiful." Said Alice as she came walking down the stairs.

"Really Alice not that bad. When you do me up like this I feel ridiculous. Plus aren't we trying to not draw attention to ourselves." She just stood there with her sneaky smile and blocked her mind. So I took that as my cue to walk away. "I will meet you guys there. I'm taking my car." I could hear Esme asking Jasper what was wrong with my but got out of there fast enough to not have to suffer the answer. I knew I had been being unnecessarily crabby but I just couldn't shake this feeling that things were about to change for me in this town. It would be nice if Alice could give me a straight answer. Instead I get her little cryptic remarks like 'all will be reviled in good time' or 'good things come to those who wait' or 'patience is a virtue'. So I am forced to wait.

They pulled in just three minutes after me. I took a deep breath, grabbed my bag, and followed them to the large conference room that had been redecorated for the party. There were streamers here and there and little buffet of what looked like homemade dishes and a 3 pitchers of punch with those little plastic cups. I glanced at Alice with an I told you so look.

_So maybe we are a little over dressed. No big deal. _She thought. Listening in on the towns folk I could see that it wasn't a huge deal but we did make quite the impression. There thoughts ranged from. _Wow there so beautiful, _or _they look so rich, _or _holy shit look at the blonde like to get her bent over my table. _I tried my best to ignore that one for the rest of the night. Carlisle kept a close eye on me for the whole night. Trying to see if this town would be safe for all of us. If people get even the slightest bit suspicious we would have to leave and make other plans. Just as Alice said the night went great. Some of these people seemed pretty sweet in that small comfy town sort of way. Some were a little jealous and thought we would swoop in and steal their husbands and wives. Some just thought we seemed like a nice family even if we were a little strange. Some admired Carlisle and Esme for taking us all in. Mixed feelings but nothing seemed too worrisome.

For the last half hour of the party Alice kept looking around and searching the room like she was looking for someone or waiting for something to happen. Still keeping her mind on other random nonsense things so I couldn't get a peak. For the past four days she has been having these strange visions that really weren't complete. Its like as soon as it would start she would push it away then run off on some errand and come back with a sly smile on her face. I just kept seeing flashes of these vibrant green eyes.

When we were saying our thank yous and goodbyes Alice looked very disappointed and Jasper was getting the same vibe from her. When I got to my car Alice just looked at me and scanned the parking lot. A car was pulling in the drive way and her smile brightened but it pulled off to the visitors parking lot and her smile fell. Everyone else was in the car but she was refusing so just to be safe I stayed by my door. I was just about to ask her what the issue was when I smelt it. A shiny silver Volvo pulled in and was heading right towards us. The passenger side window was down and the scent coming out that window was intoxicating. My eyes rolled in the back of my head as it came closer. It was like everything was in slow motion. I grabbed onto the side of my car to hold myself back. I could feel my fingers bending the metal of my door frame. Normally that would be at the forefront of my mind but that scent. That blood. I wanted it. I have felt the thirst for well over 100 years but never like this. Jasper felt it too and held his breath and came to my side and grabbed my arm, pulled my hand from the door but never letting go of me. I inhaled again and felt that searing burn in my throat. Venom filled my mouth and my muscles tensed seeing the car come closer. Then I saw those eyes and that face. I shocked my out of my thirst filled hunger. Those bright beautiful green eyes. I had never been able to see the face but those eyes that I had been thinking over ever since I saw them in Alice's incomplete vision. Jasper took that moment of shock to push me in the car and slide me to the passenger side and he hopped in the drives seat and snatched my keys from my hand. I barely noticed because I was looking at the car driving by. The most beautiful man I had ever seen was looking at me curiously. I tried to focus on his thoughts but to my surprise I heard nothing. I sat in my passenger seat not saying a word. I was in total shock. He handed me his thermos of blood and I just sat there slowly sipping it, I didnt even notice that we were home until Jasper spoke. First trying to reach me with his thoughts but I couldnt even speak.

"Bella... Bella what happened back there?" He stopped waiting for me to say something but I was still trying to make sense of what just happened myself. "Bella talk to me please." He asked pleadingly.

"I have no idea." I paused trying to focus but all I could feel was the thirst. "I need to hunt. I'm okay now I'll be back."

"Yeah right Bella, after that fiasco I am coming with you. I need to hunt now too."

I took my keys from him and hid them in the little compartment I had made in the back and we both took off into the woods. At first all I could do was run. The wind in my hair, the various scents of the forest filling my nose washing away the smell of the green eyed man. His perfect jaw line and kissable lips. His unkempt hair that was a perfect mixture of brown and gold. I stopped dead in my tracks. What the hells wrong with me I thought to myself. Jasper came to a stop behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. I grabbed him by his wrist and flipped him around in a maneuverer that would have broken his wrist and maybe his arm had he been human. Being a vampire he just shook it off.

"Bella whats wrong with you? Your emotions are all over the place. You seem so confused and frustrated. You need to talk to me. I'm worried." He said dusting the dirt and leaves of his clothes.

"I dont know OKAY. First Alice is having these strange incomplete visions. I try asking her what they are about but she shuts me down. You know how she is." I paused gathering my thoughts but only being successful at getting more pissed off. "How could she not tell me about this. What if I attacked him in the parking lot? What if I killed him? What if I pulled back and he started to change? Anything could have happened?"

He cut me off saying "Bella she saw what would happen. She would never put anyone at risk like that."

"Her visions are based of decisions. We all know that last minute choices change the visions. DAMN IT the man in the car he smelled so good. Even being out here with some of my favorite smells in the world I cant get it out of my head. I mean I love this forest. I always have. I grew up here and loved it here. I died here and being in these woods has always cleared my head. Whenever you guys piss me off or start in on each other I always come here."

"You still came here even when we left that last time?" He sounded so surprised. I though him of all people would have guessed that this is where I came.

"Yeah I come here often. Just to the woods I never go into town. I'm not that stupid."

_But what about the.. _

I cut him off right there I knew exactly what he was going to ask. "Don't worry there have never been any issues or run ins with anyone besides the occasional mountain lion. Look thats enough talk I really just want to hunt and get back and just chill out. I know Esme isnt going to want me going to school tomorrow if I am still all wound up." He knew that was the truth so he just let me go on and hunt alone. He got out of my range so all I would have in my head were my own thoughts. Which could seem to stray from the thoughtless man with green eyes.

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**I know this has taken longer than I planned but I have some shotty internet so I apologize. **

**Please leave me a review :)**

**~Raelynne**


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